Nobody Knows

Nobody knows…

Nobody knows the reality of me
What I truly am is not what you see
Hollow inside, and broken without
Quiet outside, where within I shout.

Nobody knows…

Nobody knows how broken I am
Attempting right, yet always in a jam
The mirror into my soul but a shattered shard
Reflecting nothingness, but a spirit scarred.

Nobody knows…

Demons abound, both inside and out
Curses invoked, causing pain and doubt
Searing the flesh, white-hot the blade
Bad memories blaze, good memories fade

Nobody knows…

The gang raped her in every filthy way
Dismembered, tortured and killed her, as she wouldn’t obey
Pam was the love of my life, a future so bright
‘Til the demons descended, extinguishing her light.

Nobody knows…

Drugs I found, and alcohol too
My desperation merely grew and grew
Blackouts and overdoses were my friends
The filth on my mind, for to cleanse.

Nobody knows…

When his wife was beat, our Jersey dealer said,
”The contract is made, bring me his head.”
His hit to my face, he thought did me in.
I pointed my .38, and said, “Just imagine.”

Nobody knows…

That he punched his wife, I could not tolerate
The hands crushing her throat, “You like pain, I’ll demonstrate.”
He beat me down, this mountain of a man
With knife in hand, I executed my plan.

Nobody knows…

I searched for the man who killed my girl
I found him, I chased him, my mind awhirl
I wanted to slowly kill him
But the cops found him first and the chase did kill him.

Nobody knows…

A seizure grabs me and tosses me about
Those trying to help me are beat as in an MMA bout
My thrashing about causes serious injury
My inability to control these, a great mystery

Nobody knows…

Death is easy, life is hard
What’s the point, this heart to guard?
My façade is laughter, they’ll never know
The tunnels light is beginning to glow.

Nobody knows…

When this poem meets its inevitable end
To the darkest depths shall I descend 
The light brightens, as the tunnel I traverse
I choose to DIE, ready my hearse.

Nobody knows…

And never will...